New Autism School

Phoenix has been going to his new Autism school.  I have even let him enjoy the school bus. My crystal baby is becoming a Crystal Child.
I cant believe Life is happening this way.  I always wanted Phoenix to live a normal life,  but he is not a normal child.  I have tried and tried.  Parents of typical children never know what this is like.
i think often that maybe Phoenix is the new Normal.
more and more of the children are being Born with Autism.   Does God have a Plan for Our Sons? 
Emotional but unemotional children.

the autism school sends home a journal everyday with a little a note.  most reading, Phoenix ate his sandwich and raisins.  He is so smart,  bla bla bla
it has been to school for fifteen days, and his journal always reads. He is smart.  but, what in the world is he doing to be called smart on most every journal entry.
sometimes i feel like the Autism School is just being nice in those journal entries.
isnt that the way it goes.

lately Phoenix has been driving me nuts.  He has learned how to use the remote control.  and he loves DVR.  he rewinds his favorite shows over and over.  he does learn to say new words this way. that repetition thing.

Power Outage and Autism

what a couple of strange days we have had.  we had a powerful storm roll through the mountains leaving millions without power.  electricity....
poor Phoenix.  autistics are so routine driven,  most autistics want their day planned the same everyday,  it builds comfort for them  i guess.  but, my gosh,  Phoenix did not understand why he could not watch his precious TV.   He kept grabbing the remote and pushing the buttons and nothing would happen for him.  shew,  Phoenix had the ultimate melt down.  it was already really quite because we didn't have any power and it was dark.  Phoenix was fine with the darkness, but the no TV.  his voice was vibrating the walls.  there was not anything i could do to calm him.   his meltdown felt like an eternity...  screaming, fist pounding madness.  a temper tantrum five fold.
Phoenix finally calmed down,  he gave me a hug and started playing with a flash light.
and he was happy again.  then daddy went and got a generator, and Phoenix could watch a dvd movie.  he was so happy, laughing and giggling watching TV. Phoenix's daddy became a savior in the eyes of Phoenix.  finally something normal, while going with out power and cold showers.
it took a number of days before the power was restored and some people are still sadly without power.with millions without power i know some of the people have a child with Autism.  my goodness what a total upheaval  in routine. i prayed for a lot of patience...
 and one gallon of bubble juice help Phoenix make it through the boredom.  bubbles are wonderful, ya know?
 Phoenix is almost balanced back out and back in to routine.  he still doest understand not going to school.  the autism school closed because of the power outage.  he was ready for school this morning. 
he sadly took off his shoes and sat on the couch with me and watched the morning news.
I made him his favorite breakfast. plain  toast and one box of raisins.

Disconnected

can you tell me if this life is fair?
I wish I knew.
as everyday passes I feel more and more disconnected from  my family. maybe they think of me sometimes.
I dont know why. autism maybe.
People always fear what they do not understand. but a family I do not have.  its pretty sad.
It came clear to me when asked at one of Phoenix's meetings with the school board,  Do you have any kind of support system,  or family to help you out with Phoenix? I smiled and looked at my husband, and we shook our heads no.  No one, just us.
I do not mean to be to so disconnected. 
I feel that love went away when I moved away.  Out of site out of mind.
All I have to talk to is you, and the rest of world.
I wish my family just had a minute with Phoenix in his own enviroment.  He is brillant beautiful child. and I wish they wanted to get to know him.  time just keeps speeding up, every minute going faster and faster. before we know it time is up. Phoenix is already five.  I often think, maybe they just do not want to know him. it hurts. I try to understand how people become so self absorbed with themselves. I will never understand.
nothing is ever easy.
has Autism disconnected me too?

I will move on now. 

brown liquid

I have not ever been truly scared in my entire life.  but, autism scares me.  i know i am not suppose to feel this way, but i do.  some days a strong regression shows in Phoenix.  he becomes a different child when he drinks any type of cola beverage.  Phoenix calls it brown liquid.  after he drinks a sip he slips away.  it almost a allergic reaction.  he drops to the floor and starts spinning in circles like a demon possessed child.  and he starts grinding his teeth...     its strange.  this beverage that most people have tasted once in their life,  the bubbles,  the yummy of it all.  everyone enjoys a soda every once in a while.  some people have this soda every single day. Phoenix, who i wish could be normal just a little bit, can not have even  a taste.  can you imagine no brown cola in your life? its pretty simple for most of us.  Autism is not. Phoenix is not. being  Crystal is not.
after just a sip it took Phoenix three days to recover.  no more soda in the house for sure.